Friday, December 6, 2019

Drunk notes to KH — an exercise in self restraint, by China


Day 1

My uncle ran over a drunk guy’s foot on the way to the river. My mom has said this guy is black at least a million times.

You should be proud that I did not text any men I’ve slept with to receive attention and only redownloaded bumble for less than a minute. When did I become an attention-seeking whore? And when does that become a bad thing?

Also, I love you.

Cork carrot is the Charlotte equivalent of Aurora bread rock.

My dad bought a wine called “Poppy” so he could say we’re having Poppy for thanksgiving dinner.

“Cooking is hard because you have to stand up a lot,” said Amelia. “Although i have gotten better at standing.”

“Do you want to hear some tweets I’ve drafted,” said Ameila.

“Alright, I found the onions, but they’re just not what I expected.” — Ernie Anderson

Day 2

Dream KH cheated on Rebecca at a party, so I texted you about what I saw very angry, and Dream KH just texted back a lot of sexually explicit emojis. I became even more angry.

My cousin Michael is now Madeline.

My dads gout is so severe after Thanksgiving dinner, and I’ve never seen him in so much pain.

Day 3

White young professional drinking hard cider at windy hill: “we’re moderate, we’re like not loyal to any party”

Day 4
Got an email about your GoodReads updates, an account which I forgot I had. I’ve gone back to it and hope it’ll help motivate me to read more. Also, I miss you, though the impulse to text you every detail fades just a little bit everyday. Instead, I’ve had more time to reach out to other friends. I forgot I had so many.

Day 5
Read the best science communication sentence ever about the earth’s mantle: “part of the mantel is viscoelastic, meaning it’s goopy.”

Day 6

I had a nightmare that Rebecca was ugly and also very mean to me.

The town manager and clerk have designated me as the “secret keeper.” For some reason I’ve been trusted with all town secrets.

Chance sat outside my room while I was gone because he missed me 😭

Still a love addict.

You win. I’m not getting you a gift.

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